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April 27, 2006
Surviving Each Other: the Art of Communication
Communication is a lost art in some HOAs. The majority of people just are lacking in people skills. They might be in a hurry, frustrated, impatient, uneducated, or harried. Volunteer board members tend to get more criticism than praise, and often find themselves spending much more time than anticipated on association business. Then along comes a curious, tenacious and sometimes downright abusive or offensive owner who makes what seem to be unreasonable demands. Sometimes the shoe is on the other foot and an owner suffers at the hands of an overly egotistical, power hungry, or just plain tired board member.
The title says it all, communication is an art form. When you mention “communication”, the name has a warm touchy-feely connotation. Seems like there should be a “community” of some kind involved. Some form of fellowship, something in common. Common possession or enjoyment of something, such as any use of common facilities; or common obligations, rights, and privileges, common interests, living under the same regulations, some kind of society, common character, similarity and likeness.
Sounds like an ideal situation, doesn't it? However, and if you read and believe everything that is said in the newspapers, you would think homeowner associations Boards are secret societies, police states, and HOAs are nasty places to live. Why? Much of what is recorded in the newspaper (selectively reported to glamorize or "make it a "horrible-sounding" story) revolves around the emotional side of living in an HOA. People have emotions, and act out and do crazy, immature and strange things. Homeowners who move into an HOA with a “my-home-is-my-castle” mentality are usually not nice about the way they approach things. Oftentimes, they do things without regard for the rules and regulations, and often because they have not read them nor do they understand them, nor do they believe in the board is cable of enforcing them. Then, when the board is confronted by these kinds of people, they react with a “like-kind” attitude. Defiance begets negativity. Anger begets defensiveness. Attacks invite either a retreat or counter attack. What you have probably found, and what I have found, is that one of the biggest problems that boards have with regard to the homeowners is the inability to communicate “artfully”. That is where people on either side of the table can shine. Teaching, directly or by setting an example, better communication skills may turn out to be a most important asset. It may involve assisting the board in proper communications with the owners, reigning in outspoken directors, schmoozing vendors in negotiations on contracts, organizing owners to challenge the Board if you believe that is necessary, soothing ruffled feathers between neighbors who are fighting, breaking bad news to owners in the face of some large rehabilitation or construction project, or helping to write rules or regulations with a “positive flavor” that will invite compliance, rather than evoke criticism and defiance. It may just be communicating your needs to the Board, in a way that will not invite a closed, negative response.
What is communication? According to Websters’, one definition is" to have or hold intercourse or interchange of thoughts; to give, or give and receive, information, signals or messages in any way, as by talk, gestures, writing, etc.” Now we have a “sexy” topic, and I hope, your attention.
I find, in the course of my daily work with boards and owners, vendors and professionals alike, a significant void of people skills. Many of the people that I come in to contact with every day are busy, hurried, anxious and short of time and temper. Actually, there are days I find myself in that position. So its time to take pause, and think...
On my website you will find an article by this same name, containing tips I have picked up along the way that might help you. Visit the Guru http://www.californiacondoguru.com, and click on "What's New".
Posted by Beth Grimm at April 27, 2006 10:34 PM